SOUFII'S DRABBLE WRITING CONTEST NOVEMBER 2010 WINNERCookiejae:TITLE:
CONFESSIONS OF A SHIMGENRE:
Changmin is now pacing back and forth while looking at his watch. It’s almost 4pm and he promised Yunho that he will be meeting him for a bowling but he is now in a dilemma. It’s been bothering him for the past months now: is he missing his Joongie so much that he wants to see him and watch the JYJ concert? He sighed and quickly puts on his fave shoes and heads out the house without even calling Yunnie.
While hiding from the group of fans with the JYJ flaglets, Changmin disguised himself as a reporter and puts on his fake press ID. He was quickly acknowledged by JYJ staff and even smiled looking at Min’s disguise. He saw Jae working out and he just smiled. It’s enough for him for now.Results from JudgesSaMaNtHa:Cookiejae: CONFESSIONS OF A SHIMTitle: 2/5
Like the other drabble, the title has nothing to do with the drabble. It somewhat connects but not really. You could've titled it, Eyes of love, or something like that because Changmin did not confess anything about his love towards Jaejoong but instead watched him secretly. Which connects to the eye part of the title I suggested. Your title is creative but it doesn't fit the drabble. Creativity: 5/5
It was creative. I liked it, short and simple but enough to make it worth reading. I liked this drabble, it was real. I like the forbidden love so maybe thats why I enjoyed it. It was realistic. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 4/5
There were no spelling mistakes but I do have some complaints. I didn't like how you condensed the words by not spelling the word out for example, fave. I know its not really a big problem but I don't think it looks professional.
Your grammar was good, no mistakes. Your vocabulary was basic but there were about one or two big words, they were big words but still understandable. Details: 5/5
The details were good! Nothing to complain about, you could add more details but the details you had were already good. Total: 17/20`strawberryparfaitCookiejae:Title: 3/5
-I seriously can't understand why this is your title since, it doesn't even have confessing on the story. The best title for my point of view is or could probably with Solitudes of a Shim.Creativity: 4/5
-It was good, it was really really good. I could feel changmin's loneliness within the story, on how much he misses Jae, on how he was expecting to see him, on how he was so excited to meet him, every single emotion which changmin was feeling, it felt like I am changmin.Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 3/5
-As I've noticed, your tenses are sometimes wrong, and sometimes correct, like in here,
He sighed and quickly puts on his fave shoes and heads out the house without even calling Yunnie.
(He sighed and quickly wore his favorite shoes and headed out of the house without even calling Yunnie)
You should check your tenses before getting into the sentences, if you used past tense already don't keep on changing it back to present tense or present perfect tense because it is causing some grammatical error.Details: 4/5
-The details are fine, though it is just a drabble, I could easily understand the passage and what you are intended to give your readers, the ideas and the way Changmin misses Jae, the way Changmin being contented on how he just saw Jae, everything, it was good, absolutely good. Total: 14/20FINAL RESULTSCookiejae: CONFESSIONS OF A SHIMTitle:
I'm glad to announce our first HALL OF FAMER
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