It’s been a year… Everything is quiet now…
All the screams and shouts were replaced by a maddening silence. All the melodies that captured so many hearts are gone and all that is left is the memory of what was once a beautiful dream.
Everything is gone… the music, the dream, the friendship…
There was nothing holding us together anymore…. All the smiles and laughter had disappeared and were replaced with words of regret and unhappiness.
I can’t seem to remember when I last smiled and laughed without any lies or worries on my mind. With just a simple turn of events… everything and everyone was gone…
I slowly walked to the living room. My apartment was quite small, maybe about one-fifth of what I used to live in before. But it was all I could afford right now. And I was already happy with it. My own private space, my very own world.
I sat down on the couch. The place was so quiet. Something was missing.
“Hello hyung, how are you today?” I uttered as I tried mimicking Max’s voice and gesture.
“Fine, Are you hungry already? What would you like me to prepare for you?” I said, this time imitating Jaejoong.
“He will cook anything you serve. So don’t worry,” I quickly uttered in Xiah’s sweet and laughing voice.
“What are we going to do today? We finally have some time to rest…” I said with the serious tone that U-Know always uses.
I quickly shook my head. Maybe I was going mad. I was talking to myself now. And to make matters worst, I was making conversations with non-existing people.
Well, they aren’t totally non-existing… but just far away, I guess.
Sad to say, ever since our group got disbanded, it was like we suddenly drifted apart.
‘What am I thinking’, I suddenly shrugged off the feeling of regret and pity that I was having.
‘If only we had done things differently… maybe,’ another thought passed through my mind.
I got up and went straight to the kitchen to get a bottle of soju. ‘Is Jaejoong still drinking his favorite wine?’ I asked myself.
Everything was different now. All of us had been living in different worlds right after the disbandment of our group was made.
We knew we broke so many hearts and many people cried because of us. But it wasn’t only our fans who cried, but us… as well. We cried separately… in our own private spots, hidden from other people’s sight. But we couldn’t deny it, our eyes which were almost red from crying were the evidence of our sadness. The last thing I remember… Jaejoong couldn’t stop himself from sobbing like a child, while Junsu just cried silently in a corner of the dressing room. I, on the other hand, cried continuously. Though I admit, it was somehow embarrassing for a man to be crying in such a manner… I didn’t care. I wanted to let out all the pain and sadness I was feeling, and crying was the only way I knew how.
As for U-Know and Max, though they were supposed to leave as soon as the announcement was made, they still managed to sneak into the dressing room. They wanted to share some last precious moments with us…
But as soon as they entered the room, and saw all of us crying in different corners of the room, they immediately cried as well. Max just fell down on his knees crying and sobbing much louder than me and Jaejoong. While U-Know just leaned against the door and cried without any care as well.
‘This was it… The end of Dong Bang Shin Ki…’ Somehow the reality was too painful for all of us.
We weren’t able to say anything that day… But our hearts spoke out everything that was needed to be said.
Now… I am quite amazed at how time flies by so quickly. Jaejoong has already established himself as an actor, Xiah is already busy with his solo career as a singer, while me?? I just got signed up as an exclusive song writer/singer by a famous Japanese recording company.
You might ask … what more can we ask for?
But honestly… we’re not happy.
Max is already busy with his acting career as well. While U-Know had been busy doing commercials and photo shoots for different famous magazines both in Korea and Japan.
What more can we ask for?
As I sadly stared at my apartment, I couldn’t help but compare it to the one we used to live in. At that time, we all felt it was somehow crowded for all of us to be living in. But we were happy… as long as we were together… that was all that mattered.
But that was before…. Now…
The silence in the room was too frightening and disconcerting. Yes, I had the money and the fame, just like before…. But I feel like something is missing…
What is missing???
As I finished the soju I was drinking, I suddenly remembered something. The last time I heard, Jaejoong had said something about not drinking anymore. ‘Wonder why,’ I thought to myself.
I sat down on the couch again, this time determined not to feel melancholic or anything similar. I was about to open the TV when I remembered it was time for Max’s favorite show. ‘Is he still watching his favorite show?’ I asked myself.
Change of plans… I somehow lost interest in watching.
Like a ghost, I moved around the place, searching for something to do. I, unconsciously grabbed a magazine and tried to concentrate on reading. ‘Is U-Know still reading his favorite magazine?’ again a question popped into my head.
I immediately threw the magazine. I didn’t want to read anymore.
A breeze came into the slightly opened window in the room. I slowly approached the window, hoping to see something that could help me get my mind off in a different direction.
As I looked down on the streets, I saw a young boy holding a soccer ball. He was playing with some of his friends and they were shouting and playing happily. ‘Is Xiah still playing around with his favorite ball?’ the question appeared again.
Out of frustration, I started throwing everything I could get my hands on.
In just a few minutes, almost half of everything in the room was either broken or totally smashed into tiny fragments.
Confused, hurt, and alone…
‘Why? Why? Why did it have to end up this way?’ I kept on repeating. I slowly laid down in the middle of the room. Like a child, I curled up and tried to hug myself. I was going mad.
Tic… Tic… Tic…
The light from the window was slowly fading…
As the room started to grow dark and cold, I just continued to lie down on the floor… bleeding…
‘This was it… The end of Dong Bang Shin Ki…’ again the thought flashed in my mind.
Tic… Tic… Tic…
Yes, it was finally over…
Tic… Tic… Tic…
“Hyung, wake up…”
I slowly opened my eyes. Max was looking down on me with his smile already beaming on his face. “Where am I?” I asked in confusion.
Max looked at the other DBSK members who were standing beside him. “What is he talking about?” he asked back.
Xiah laughed. “He’s having a bad dream again. Hey, wake up Micky! It’s already 10 in the morning. We still have a fan meeting to attend to,” he said with a chuckle.
“Breakfast is ready. We need to hurry. So get up,” Jaejoong uttered as he gently pulled me out of bed.
“Are you okay? Are you feeling sick or something?” U-Know worriedly asked.
I just stared at their faces. I couldn’t believe they were standing right in front of me. “You guys are here,” I uttered as I happily embraced each one of them.
Jaejoong lighly laughed. “Hey, what happened to you?”
“I think he’s just hungry. Let’s eat already. My stomach’s been aching for an hour now,” Max complained like the way he used to do.
“Whatever it is that you dreamt of… must have been quite bad,” Xiah said with concern.
Again I looked at them. “Yes, it was just a dream… Thank God, it was just a dream….” I replied.
“Come on… We have to get ready… remember,” U-Know again reminded all of us.
I just nodded and smiled. Everything was all right now. We were still together. As this thought entered my mind… my heart immediately felt lighter.
As we were about to leave my room, I suddenly noticed something shine beside my bed. I quickly picked it up and was surprised. It was a piece of broken glass.
I smiled… Then I carefully placed the broken glass in my cabinet.
“Hyung, hurry…” Max called out.
“Coming,” I answered.
A cold wind blew and somehow circled around me… I shivered but Jaejoong suddenly appeared and placed his arms around my shoulders making the coldness disappear. “Come on… I think Max will be crying if we don’t feed him already,” he said jokingly.
Yes, everything was back to the way it should be….
‘Thank God, it was just a dream,’
... Wasn’t it?