Title: I’m Sorry…
“Oppa, what’s wrong?”
Jaejoong ignored her. He walked pass her, making sure his broad shoulders hit the poor girl’s shoulders until she stumbled back and fall on the cold floor.
“Get the hell out of here, NOW!” Jaejoong pointed at the door, his face was unreadable.
The girl on the floor touched her stomach, caressed it slightly as tears rolling down from her eyes. Slowly, she stood up and picked up all her clothes that was thrown by Jaejoong few minutes ago and stuffed them into a bag. She walked slowly, literally limping towards the door with the bag at her hand.
“Jaejoong oppa…” She said as she reached the main door. He looked away from her, not wanting any contact from her. JiYoung felt a sharp pain in her heart when Jaejoong did that.
‘What have I done until Jaejoong oppa treated me like this?’ JiYoung thought bitterly as she took small steps while walking out from the house. She turned once again to face the door to say goodbye but Jaejoong slammed the door on her face as soon as she does that.
“Goodbye, Jaejoong…” JiYoung whispered as she walked away from her life, from her love, and from the house, forever.
“Jaejoong hyung, let me explain first! It’s not like what you’re thinking!!” Yoochun grabbed Jaejoong’s arms as he tried to catch up with the older guy. They had just finished with their rehearsal for tomorrow’s concert and now they’re free to do anything before the concert.
“Then what?! I saw my own girlfriend kissing my best friend in front of my very own eyes!! What are you trying to say now? Do you think my eyes will betray me? Tell me, TELL ME PARK YOOCHUN!!!” Jaejoong shouted at Yoochun as he faced the younger member.
“It wasn’t her fault, hyung! It is my entire fault! Why did you throw her away just like that?! Don’t you listen to her explanation first?!” Yoochun shouted back at his hyung, feeling angry with Jaejoong.
Luckily the other members didn’t suspect anything odd. Yoochun and Jaejoong were relieved when none of them asked anything to them.
“Fine then!! Explain to me!! Tell me that everything that I saw that day, the hug, the kiss, is all FAKE!!” Jaejoong crossed his arms and faced the other side of the building. Yoochun moved in front of Jaejoong and started explaining.
“You know that I had always have feelings for JiYoung since we met her few years ago. That day, I was so damn sad because my girlfriend dumped me. She said that I spent too less time with her and always busy. As I was looking for you at your apartment, JiYoung approached me as she sensed something wrong with me. Then I spilled everything to her because I can’t stand it anymore. It’s killing me slowly. After that, I confessed my love to her for the first time. Do you know what she said, hyung?” Yoochun stop for a while to look at Jaejoong’s reaction.
“She said, she loved you. She loved you so much that she will trade everything that she has just to be with you and make you happy. She also said that she only love me like a brother, not more than that. I hugged her after that because I’m so thankful that she’s willing to listen to my problems. I kissed her because I want to let go of the love that I have for her all these times. That’s all. She didn’t even reply my kiss hyung!” Yoochun’s tears were already streaming down his face as he finished explaining to Jaejoong. But Jaejoong didn’t show any reaction. He turned his gaze slowly towards Yoochun and smirked.
“Do you think I will believe to that crap? Only little kid will believe to your stupid lies!!” Jaejoong shouted at Yoochun and turned away from him. Yoochun felt his heart sank as Jaejoong said that.
‘Stupid Jaejoong! She was carrying your baby you idiot!!’ Yoochun screamed mentally as he shook his head, disagree on Jaejoong’s action.
“Yoochun oppa, it’s me JiYoung.”
“Ah, JiYoung. How are you?”
“I’m fine Yoochun oppa. How are you? I heard you guys are going to Japan tonight.”
“Yeah, but our flight is delayed until tomorrow morning due to the snow storm at Japan.”
“Oh… really… I hope you guys have a safe journey go and back… By the way… How is Jaejoong oppa?”
“Jaejoong hyung? He looked fine but we know he’s not fine.”
“What do you mean oppa?”
“He has been drinking a lot lately. He also locked himself in his private room for almost every day and only come out to cook and eat. He’s getting skinnier also; he has been eating very little lately since you went and since manager ordered us to stay in an apartment.”
“Yea, I heard that from your fans. Later tonight a parcel will arrive. Please give it to Jaejoong oppa.”
“Alright, don’t worry. Please take care of yourself and the baby. By the way, how old is your foetus?”
“Ah, she’s 9 months old already. I’m going to labour soon.”
“Oh, and it’s a she? Congratulations, JiYoung!”
“Thanks. Oppa, I have to go now. Send my regards to the others. Bye.”
“Jaejoong hyung, there’s a parcel for you!!” Changmin shouted from the living room, startling Jaejoong from his daydream. He was halfway composing a song when he suddenly remembered about his sweet moments with JiYoung.
“Ah, thank you Changmin.” Jaejoong thanked Changmin as he walked into the composing room and locked it. He opened the parcel soon after he places it on the wooden table.
The first thing he saw is a photo album. He took it out. Suddenly a paper flies out from the photo album. He bent down to take it.
This might be the last parcel for you. I know you have been throwing all the parcels that I’ve posted to you before this. But I hope you will keep this one. The reason I’m posting this parcel to you is to tell you that our baby is going to be born soon. I am feeling so happy and I can’t keep myself from getting so excited. I’ve bought some baby clothes. And guess what oppa; our baby is a baby girl! I hope she’s going to be pretty and cute like her father and will be very intelligent also like her father. Ah, I’m so happy!
Jaejoong oppa, I don’t know why but I have this feeling. Oppa, if I died when I deliver to this baby, can you promise me to look after her? I have no one to ask for help because I don’t have any relatives anymore. They all abandon me when I decided to spend my life with you. But don’t worry, I’m not mad at you oppa. How can I be mad at you when I loved you the most?
Anyway, this is my last hope, and this is the last time I’m asking help from you. After this, don’t worry because I won’t trouble you anymore. Please oppa, I can only rely on you…
Jaejoong oppa, I’m sorry if all these times I have done so many things that have hurt you. I’m so sorry oppa. I don’t have any intention on doing those to you. I swear, I would never hurt you oppa. I’m so sorry oppa…
If you receive a phone call from the hospital, please come to the hospital as soon as possible. Maybe I need you, or maybe our daughter needs you. Thank you oppa, because giving me a chance to love you. Thank you oppa… And our daughter’s name, I want you to name her. I would be happy with any choice you make.
Till we meet again,
Jaejoong’s tears rolled down as he read the letter. How he had become so stupid suddenly? Why did he ditch her earlier? She has done so many things for his happiness but what did he do? He ditched her!! Jaejoong can’t help but to feel sorry for himself.
Then he takes a look at the photo album. The first picture was the scan of the foetus of his daughter. Jaejoong traced his fingers on the photo.
“Baby, I’m sorry. I’ve done so many bad things to your mommy… Please forgive daddy…” Jaejoong said, one of his tears falls on the photo. “Mianhae JiYoung… I don’t know… Why don’t you tell me…?”
Jaejoong flipped to the next page. On the page, there are few photographs of JiYoung with some baby clothes. Seems like she’s very happy when she did that. Jaejoong can’t help but to smile when he saw JiYoung smiling happily at the camera. How he wished he was there to do what a father should do.
There’s a little note under the photo. In fact, there are little notes under each photo. Each of them was written by JiYoung, Jaejoong was sure about that. He can easily recognise his lover’s writing. They’re so neat.
‘This is the cutest baby shirt. I really wanted to buy this but Omma said I need to wait until the baby reached few months old. The shirt would be too big for her anyways~ I hope Jaejoong oppa can buy this shirt and let our baby girl wears it!’
Jaejoong smiled at JiYoung’s words. He can imagine her reactions when she was writing this out. She must be very hyperactive and happy as always.
Suddenly he missed her smile. He missed to hear her laughter; he missed her being in his embrace. He missed everything about her. He wanted to see her badly now. He wanted to hold her in his arms, forever.
Jaejoong closed the photo album at his hand and placed it on the table. He reached for his car keys and rushed out from the composing room. He met Yunho and Changmin at the living room on his way out.
“Jaejoong hyung, where are you going? It’s already late and we need to be ready for our flight tomorrow,” Yunho said, stopping Jaejoong at his track. He glanced at the clock on his wrist. 7:30pm.
“I’m going out for a while. I’ll be back,” Jaejoong said. He was about to reach the front door when suddenly he heard his phone ringing and Yoochun’s shout from the kitchen.
“Jaejoong hyung! Your phone is ringing!! Do you want me to pick it up for you??”
Jaejoong rushed towards the kitchen as he cursed in his mind. He took the phone on the table and looked at the caller ID. ‘Unknown number?’
“Who is it, Jaejoong hyung? By the way, where are you going?” Yoochun asked Jaejoong when he saw the car keys on his hand and the casual clothes Jaejoong was wearing. He was quite sure that Jaejoong wanted to go and see JiYoung.
“I’m going to see JiYoung.” ‘Ah, I guessed correctly.’ Yoochun thought with a smile. “By the way, should I answer this call? This is an unknown number. I scared it might be our fans,” Jaejoong said, rubbing the back of his head although it is not itchy.
“Just answer it. If it’s from our fans, just tell her not to disturb you or you can even change your phone number. Simple, right? Now answer the call. Who knows it’s something important,” Yoochun said, tapping Jaejoong’s shoulder before he walked out from the kitchen.
Jaejoong sighed before he pushed the button ‘Answer’.
“You’re Kim Jaejoong?”
“Neh, may I help you?”
“Oh, I’m from Starlight Hospital. Is Lee JiYoung your fiancé?”
“Yes, she’s my fiancé. What’s wrong with her? Is she in a good condition?”
“Actually, she was about to deliver her baby but since her condition is too weak, we need to operate her in order to save her baby. We need your approval. Can you come to Starlight Hospital now?”
“Alright! I will be there in 5 minutes!”
“Thank you Mr Kim.”
Jaejoong rushed out from the kitchen as soon as the call ended. He met with his band members at the front door.
“Jaejoong hyung, what’s wrong? Why you look so pale?” Yoochun asked worriedly.
“Starlight Hospital called me.” Jaejoong answered shortly as he took his shoe and wear it. ‘Wasn’t that the hospital where JiYoung is staying now?’ Yoochun thought.
“What’s wrong? Anyone you know admitted into the hospital?” Yunho’s turn to ask.
“JiYoung. She needs to labour the baby but her condition is too weak and they need my approval to operate her. I said I will be there in 5 minutes. Now where’s my other shoe?” Jaejoong frantically searching for his other pair of shoe. ‘Damn it, why it went missing now?!” Jaejoong thought as he saw the other pair under the chair he was sitting on.
“5 minutes?! How on earth you’re going to get there in 5 minutes? Do you know how far that hospital from here is?!” Junsu shouted, making the others jump because he was in his moody state just now.
“I don’t know either. I will try and find way to get there in 5 minutes. Now, don’t block my way!!” Jaejoong walked out from the house, not caring if the fans recognized him. He rushed towards the back door and jumped on his car as soon as he unlocked it.
“Wait for me JiYoung…” Jaejoong chanted as he started the engine and drive out from the apartment.
“God damn it!!! Why now!! Argh!! Stupid traffic jam!!!” Jaejoong shouted as he banged his hand on the steering wheel, in the middle of the road. He was now trapped in the traffic jam. How could he forget that this time the road in the city is always packed?
“Excuse me, sir you can’t just barge in!!” The nurse at the counter shouted at Jaejoong as he run towards the hospital’s entrance. He didn’t care about anything right now. What he cares about is JiYoung and his baby’s safety.
He rushed towards the operation room. A nurse was waiting for him outside the room, complete in her operation gown. Jaejoong rushed towards the nurse.
“You make it in 6 minutes, Mr Kim. Now, I want you to sign this form to indicate that you agreed to let Mrs Lee being operated and you won’t blame the hospital if anything happened to her during or after the operation because it is all depend on the patient’s condition. Please sign the form is you agree,” The nurse handed the form to Jaejoong. He signed it without reading it because what he cared about now is his lover’s life.
“Please, save her and the baby!!” Jaejoong pleaded as he handed back the form to the nurse. The nurse bowed and assured Jaejoong. “Don’t worry Mr Kim; we will try our best to save both the mother and the baby. Please wait here,” The nurse walked into the operation room and soon after that, the light on top of the door lighted, indicating that the operation had just started.
“JiYoung… please stay for a while… I want to see you for the last time… Please don’t leave me yet…” Jaejoong sat on one of the chairs.
“Mr Kim! This is your daughter!” Suddenly a nurse comes out from the operation room after 1 hour. She handed the baby to Jaejoong. Jaejoong was mesmerised at how adorable his daughter looks like. “You have your mom’s eyes and my nose… You have her ears and lips… and you have my face… What should I name you my baby?” Jaejoong said to his daughter who was sleeping peacefully in his embrace.
“What about my fiancé? Is she alright?” Jaejoong asked the nurse about JiYoung’s condition. He saw that the nurse’s gloves are full of blood. He started to get worried.
“We’re trying hard to save her. She had lost a lot of blood during the operation because suddenly her heart stopped pumping. But now her heart had started functioning back but she loss a lot of blood. We’re trying to get blood supplies from other hospitals because her blood type is rare and our hospital doesn’t have that type of blood.” The nurse explained JiYoung’s condition at Jaejoong and left him soon after to continue with her duties inside the operation room.
Jaejoong looked at his daughter sleeping peacefully. “My baby, let us pray together for mommy…”
Once again, the operation room’s door opened, but this time a doctor comes out. He walked towards Jaejoong’s direction. Yunho, Junsu, Yoochun and Changmin arrived half an hour ago and now they’re looking at Jaejoong’s daughter at the baby’s room.
“Mr Kim?” The doctor asked Jaejoong who was sitting on one of the benches. Jaejoong looked up and replied. “Yes, it’s me. Can I help you?”
“Ms Lee’s condition had worsened, and I’m afraid she can’t make it anymore. By the way, she wanted to see you in her room. We have transferred her to another room. She wants you to bring the baby along.” The doctor said. Jaejoong quickly stood up and grabbed the doctor’s arms.
“What do you mean by her condition worsened? Did you guys get the blood supply?” Jaejoong asked, tightening his hold on the doctor’s arms.
“Yes, we got the blood supply but like what I’ve been mentioning just now, her condition is too weak and judging when her heart stops beating during the operation, I believe she can’t stand it any longer. Please prepare, anytime she could leave us,” The doctor explained to Jaejoong. Jaejoong’s grip on the doctor’s arms loosened as he sinks slowly and finally he was on his knees, kneeling in front of the doctor.
“Please, do anything to save her… She’s the only thing I have now…” Jaejoong pleaded, as his band members rushed towards him and pulled him up.
******************************* [Please listen to TAXI while you’re reading this part… TQ]
I walked into JiYoung’s room and saw her. She’s on the bed, awake. She was smiling at me. Tubes were connected to her skinny body. When did she become that skinny?
“JiYoung…” I said, hesitating whether to walk towards her or not. I was afraid she might shout at me and asked me to get out from here.
Then I saw she gestured me to come to her side. I walked slowly to her side and sit on the chair next to her bed.
“Jaejoong…” She whispered weakly, I can see that she’s having trouble to breathe, even with the oxygen mask on.
“Yes my baby, our baby is safe… You see, she got your eyes, ears and lips… She’s so adorable and cute, just like you…” I showed her our daughter, the one she struggled with her life just to give birth to her.
JiYoung smiled weakly when I showed the baby to her. She was now awake after she heard her mother’s voice. JiYoung hugged her and few tears rolled down her pale face.
I freaked out. “JiYoung, why are you crying? Are you feeling pain anywhere? Tell me JiYoung… Are you alright baby?” I asked her as I examine her body. She looked so skinny and weak.
“I’m so happy Jaejoong… She’s our daughter… Our creation… Jaejoong oppa, please look after her for me, please?” JiYoung pleaded with her eyes sparkling with tears. I can feel my eyes started to get watery too when she said that.
“JiYoung, why are you saying like that? We’re going to take care of her together! We’re going to get married and we’re going to live together. Nothing can stop me from doing those with you! Nothing!” I demanded, not wanting her to be separated from me. Please God, don’t separate her from me… Don’t take her away…
“No, Jaejoong oppa, I don’t even know how long I can survive… Please Jaejoong oppa; promise me that you will look after her?” JiYoung pleaded with tears rolling down her pale face. I had started crying few minutes ago. I nodded slowly as I look at her pale face.
“Thanks oppa… Have you named her?” JiYoung asked me. I shook my head as I really wanted her to name her. Besides, she was the one carrying our baby alone all these times. She deserved to name our baby. “I want you to name her. You’re her mother, and you have been with her for the past few months. I give you the honour to name her.” I said, smiling very sweetly at her as I can see her getting weaker.
“Thank you Jaejoong oppa. Can I name her Kim SaRang?” JiYoung asked me, with her eyes twinkled in excitement. She was still excited when her condition is getting worse?
I nodded in agreement. In fact, I loved that name also. Kim SaRang is the prove of our love, she’s from our love. “Yes, I think that name suites her. She’s our love. We made her from our love,” I said as tears rolls down on my cheek. I took SaRang from JiYoung when she handed her to me.
“Jaejoong oppa… please take care of SaRang… I’m sorry I can’t be there with you but… I will look after you two from up there…” JiYoung’s voice started to tremble. Tears had flowing nonstop from my eyes. The same goes to her.
“JiYoung… I’m sorry for all the bad things I’ve done to you before this… Mianhae JiYoung…” I said, hugging SaRang as I took JiYoung’s hand and squeezed it lightly. She does the same to me.
“Oppa, I have forgiven you long time ago. Don’t worry oppa, I’m not mad at you and I will never mad at you. You’re the person I loved the most, why should I angry with you?” JiYoung said as she started to cough. I was panicked and quickly pushed the red button next to her bed.
“JiYoung… I’m sorry… Saranghae… JiYoung… Saranghae…” I said, as I felt her squeeze on my hand started to loosen.
“Jaejoong oppa, yeongwonhi saranghae… Please take care of SaRang, and take care of yourself… Remember, I will be looking after you…” JiYoung said, as slowly I felt her hand loosen, her eyes closed slowly on its will.
“JiYoung… I love you… Forever… And I will take care of our baby… Please take care of yourself too…” I said, as SaRang cried too in my embrace. It seems like she know her mother had just left her. I cried along with her in front of Lee JiYoung.
I turned and saw Yoochun looking worriedly at me. I smiled back at him to assure him. It has been few years after JiYoung passed away. SaRang had grown up into a cute and adorable little girl. Everything about SaRang reminded me to JiYoung. She looked just like her mother.
“Appa!!” SaRang rushed towards me as Junsu chased before her. “Uncle Junsu is chasing me!!” She whined at me as I picked her up.
“Yah Junsu, can you stop acting immature? How old are you?” I asked Junsu as SaRang tucked her tongue out at Junsu playfully.
“I’m 25 years old and I’m going to get married to the person I love tomorrow!! Hyung, I’m so scared… What if suddenly Ri In doesn’t want to get married to me?” Junsu said, pouting as he walked slowly towards Yoochun and slapped his back hard.
“Yah!! What is that for?!” Yoochun shouted back at Junsu as SaRang giggled at her uncle’s childish behaviour.
“I don’t know! I just felt like slapping you, that’s all. Maybe I was too nervous…” Junsu said, looking at a direction before he suddenly jumps up and rushed towards the living room.
SaRang laughed at Junsu’s funny behaviour. I handed her to Yoochun as I walked towards the living room to find Junsu kissing Ri In passionately there.
Junsu and Ri In quickly parted and blushed. I grinned widely as I felt someone behind me. I turned to find Yoochun covering SaRang’s eyes to prevent her from looking at the scene.
“Uncle Yoochun!! Let me see!!! Uncle Junsu, what are you doing??!” SaRang shouted as she tried to move Yoochun’s hands from her eyes.
“Junsu hyung, seriously, can you guys wait after tomorrow? After that you can do anything you want with Ri In noona.” Changmin who was standing at the front door with Yunho behind him suddenly said. He was bringing a lot of plastic bags. I guess he and Yunho had just come back from the shop.
“Ah, Changmin, thank you so much! I wanted to go out to buy those but this little hime of mine is always distracting me…” I said as I rushed towards Changmin and Yunho and grabbed the plastic bags from them but Yoochun shoved SaRang to me.
“Nevermind, you can go and bring SaRang to bed. She has been yawning nonstop since just now. I’ll help them,” Yoochun said as he took the plastic bags from Changmin. I mouthed a thank you and bring SaRang to our room.
“Appa, is Omma watching over me now?” SaRang suddenly asked when I placed her on the bed. I raised my brow at her question.
“I mean, Uncle Yunho always said that Omma will be watching me from the heaven. Is that true, Appa?” SaRang asked innocently as her eyes started to close slowly.
“Yes my princess, Omma will always look after you from heaven… Now, go to sleep my princess…” I said as I hummed her lullaby, one of our latest songs, TAXI. The song that I composed during the times when I missed JiYoung the most.
Yay! I’m done!!! I know this is so long but I love it!! COMMENTS PLEASE? *in love with TAXI~~~*