Title: If… Only
I walked out of the house with my red travel bag tumbling down the front steps as I pulled it with me. My eyes were puffy, but there are no more tears. There are no more tears to be shed for what he had done to me all these time. I covered my eyes with a large sunglasses and a mask to cover my face. I don’t want to be recognized, no. His friends were also his neighbors; I don’t want them to find out, although sooner or later they would know also.
I ignored his cries. It’s too late; the tears he shed for his big mistakes were too late.
If only I rejected this marriage…
“No, you can’t do that to me!” I screamed, literally kicking the table with my leg, shocking my parents and even myself. I guess, this is the result if you’re forced to do something.
Even he, along with his parents was in the room, witnessing me going crazy.
“I don’t want to get married to a jerk like him!!” I pointed at his figure, I know it’s rude but hell, who cares right now?
I could see his expression changed after I said that. I smirked.
“I don’t want to get married to a spoiled brat like you too!” He retorted. Both of us stared into each other’s eyes for a few minutes. At first it was full or anger and hatred. But weirdly, as the time passes, my heart started to beat in an irregular tone.
I could also see his facial expression changed again. Seems like he’s having the same feeling as me. But, isn’t that impossible?
Without any of us realizing it, at that moment, two hearts had found their partners of life, therefore, creating love sparks in between two souls.
[End of Flashback]
I walked pass a really familiar guy who was walking at the roadside with his dog. Kim Jaejoong and Vick. Lucky that I wore my sunglasses and mask, he didn’t really recognize me. But after I walked pass him, I’m sure he would turn around.
He knew perfectly well what type of perfume I always use.
Talking about that cold-blooded guy, I still remember the first time we met. He’s as cold as a freezing ice on the North Pole.
If only I acted cold around him…
“Ouch! You don’t have to pinch it hardly!!! It’s hurting!!!” He screamed when I pinched his finger in order to take the wood splint that had gotten into it. I smirked, pinching it harder, and of course, his scream went louder too.
“YAHHH!!!!” He glared at me. I just laughed at him, grabbing a tissue before wiping his bloody finger. I pinched it again with force. The splint is coming out now.
“SOFTER!!!!” He screamed again. His face is now red. I wonder, is it red with anger or something else? Because I could feel mine turning to a shade of red because of our closeness…
[End of Flashback]
I didn’t realize I was walking while reminiscing those days when we’re together. Now, I’m standing in front of a cake shop. A shop that I’ve been dreaming to build since I was a child, until now, it’s still a dream.
We had our first kiss in this shop. I still remember the table clearly, the weather, the date and the time.
If only I stepped on his shoes that day…
“Yah, what type of cake do you want? If you can’t choose, I can buy the whole shop for you. Including the workers,” He smirked as I was looking at the counter. He walked towards an empty table next to the see-through glass wall, the one facing the main door. I chose a blueberry cheesecake for me and a chocolate cake with almond on it for him. I smirked as I did the order.
I placed the plate of cake in front of him as I took a sit beside him. Why do I choose to sit next to him? Not that I want to actually, he pulled my hand just before I sit down.
What a guy.
I started eating my cake, trying hard to ignore the hand that was around my waist. What the hell is it doing there?!
“Chocolate? You know I don’t eat this. And almond? Rashes will start appearing on my skin later on if I eat these!!” He whined. I ignored him, of course.
He kept quiet for a moment. I thought he gave up. That’s when I turned to look at him and got the greatest shock in my life.
“WOAH!!” His face was directly in front of mine, I could feel his breath on my skin.
“What are you-” Before I could even finish my sentence properly, his tongue darted forward. I close my eyes. Why? Normal reaction.
Then I could feel it touched the skin just beside my mouth. It barely lasts for a few seconds before he pulled back.
I opened my eyes. His face was still close to mine, his hands encircling my waist, bringing me closer to him. I gulped.
“Thought that I would kiss you?” He chuckled. “What’s so funny?!” I glared at him. “Your face.”
“Huh?” What is he talking about? Is he trying to play a prank on me?!
“You were expecting me to kiss you, right?” I could feel my face becoming hotter at his words. Did I?
He chuckled upon seeing my reaction. Idiot!
He leaned forward, brushing my hair that was covering my face, before he closed his eyes.
Omo, what should I do?
That’s when I felt something soft planted upon my lips. He kissed me. His soft lips slowly brushing against mine. It was so sweet. Even sweeter than the blueberry cheesecake.
[End of Flashback]
I walked pass a couple, holding hands and smiling sweetly to each other. I’m jealous of them. The girl’s stomach was a bit swollen. Wait- is she pregnant?
Tears started to form once again. If you were wondering, no, we didn’t have our ‘first night’. He’s not ready for a kid, while I really want a kid to accompany me.
I actually follow his words. We didn’t do it, no. He didn’t touch me. All he does is hug me to sleep every night, well not anymore after a few months of marriage.
If only I went to his office that day…
“No! I’m busy! I have a lot of works to be done and meetings to attend today!” His voice echoed from the other line. Since the day he came back from a business trip, he changed drastically. My best friend who was working under him warned me, he was a big player before he married me, but he stopped after he married me. Well, it’s a good sign, right?
“Fine, you don’t have to yell at me, you know that?” I said and throw the phone away, expressing my anger on the innocent phone.
Few days later, my best friend came to my house. It was one of those days where he didn’t came back home at all. I’m starting to worry about him. I called him, but he yelled at me everytime I did that and said that I disturbed him.
She came to tell news. A bad one.
“He’s back. The ‘old’ he is back.” At first, I didn’t get her meaning but after she took out her phone and showed some photos and videos of them together, the trust that I had for him gone. Vanished with the love I have for him.
I wouldn’t be mad if it’s just a normal photo. But they were smooching and making out on the office table!
I wanted to kill him now, but my best friend stopped me from doing so.
“Wait until he come back and have a heart to heart talk with him.”
How could I do that when my heart’s broken into pieces?
[End of Flashback]
Today, after 2 weeks, he came back. Like what my best friend advised me to do, I hugged him, showing him that I still love him.
After breakfast, I started my mission.
He denied when I told him someone in his company called and told me about him having affair behind my back.
In fact, he told me back that he’s busy for the past two weeks because of a project.
I questioned about him not contacting me all these while. His reason is: “I’m busy.”
I’m furious. He’s a good liar, isn’t he?
“Just admit it, Yoochun. I know about your affairs.” He was taken aback by my words. He didn’t expect me to found out about it? What a stupid husband he is.
I took out the photos I printed from my friend’s phone and some taken by myself when I spied on him the other day. Photos of him, walking closely together with different women.
Then I shoved him the iPhone he bought for me and played the video of him having sex with different women on his office table, in the pantry, in the toilet and lots more places where I don’t even know where it is.
“Don’t you love me, Yoochun? I thought you’ve changed after we got married!” I cried. He was shocked upon seeing me cry. I admit, I had never showed my true feelings to anyone, except him. But I’ve never cried so hard in front of him like this. I’m breaking down…
“I changed, but you’re boring!” I looked at him in shock. “What do you mean?”
“Look, I might not want kids but I’m a man for god’s sake! We can do it with protection! What’s the use of condoms and pills then?!”
Oh, now it’s my fault.
“Yoochun, do you know what you’re talking about?” “Of course I know!”
“Then, you want to end our marriage?” He kept silent. I know, deep inside his heart, he still loved me. His tears started to fall from the corners of his eyes.
My heart trembled at the sight. I wanted to run towards him and hug him, but I strained myself from doing so. My heart is broken, shattered into pieces because of him.
“Can you please don’t go?” He pleaded. That made my love for him grows even more. I turned my head, I couldn’t bear looking at him like that. Yes, he might be a playboy but I know, he had changed. If only he could control his temper and hormones, we wouldn’t end up like this.
“What if I’ve set my mind?” My voice started to shake. My body is trembling. Trembling because of anger, love, and fear. Is he really letting me go?
“Then, I’m nobody to stop you from doing so.”
His voice was so soft that time. The voice of a heartbroken man. I rushed to get my bag and walked towards the door. I stopped and turned around.
“Yoochun, please remember, that I love you, so much that it hurt myself.” I hope he got the real meaning behind those words. He kept silent. I knew it.
I opened the door and walked out of the door, leaving the house. That’s when I could hear his wail. Calling for me.
[End of Flashback]
I turned around. I was now standing beside the road, waiting for my turn to cross the road to get to the bus station on the other side of the road.
He didn’t get the meaning, right? “Stupid Yoochun,” I smiled as fresh batch of tears flow freely on my cheeks.
“Yoochun… I love you…” I sobbed, almost silently that nobody noticed that I’m actually crying. They might thought I’m having a bad flu, as I was wearing a mask and a large sunglasses.
Yoochun, if only you chased after me and ask me to come back to you… I would surely come back to you…
Oh God~!!! So sad!!! T____T is it sad? Because to me, it’s sad enough. XDDD Sorry, I finished writing this out at 3:35am. I started at 1:30am. Wait, is it 2:15am? Haiz. My brain is not working anymore. Who cares~ Haha!! So, what do you think of the story? Please do comment, I didn’t get much comment for my latest one shots… I’m disappointed. If this continues, I would stop writing. Seems like nobody want to read my story, right? Anyways, Happy New Year. Always Keep The Faith!